Red Stewart presents five of Bayformers’ worst moments …
We know, we know, that at this point in pop culture and movie history, it’s a fruit within reach. Pick the five films from action director Michael Bay Transformers the movies, colloquially referred to as “Bayformers,” is one of the easiest things any individual critic or amateur can do.
But, can you really blame the hate? Considering comics, animated series and even Bumblebee Proved that you can tell a story of giant robots interacting with humans without crass humor, silly dialogue, or poorly framed action rhythms, it’s a shame these movies ever succeeded. Here are the five worst scenes they contain (and if you prefer a video version of this article, you can find it at the bottom of the article) …
# 5. Megatron’s Suicidal Pep talk – Darkness of the Moon
Although its redesign and gray color palette in the first Transformers got a mixed response, there’s no denying that he was still a threat to be reckoned with. During the final fight, he was more than capable of fighting Optimus Prime and the other Autobots, tearing Jazz in two in one of the most poignant scenes.
Well, apparently Bay forgot about his power level in the third entry. Transformers: The Dark Side of the Moon. Depicted as weak, decrepit and smoking, he is pathetic, happy to let Sentinel Prime do what he wants.
That is, until Sam’s new girlfriend, Carly Spencer, decides to convince him to attack the Sentinel for no logical reason. And what does the big bad Decepticon do? He lets a little human manipulate him into committing suicide, first with an assault on Sentinel, then a budding brawl against Optimus. Just a sad fall from grace.
# 4. Bib and skates – Revenge of the Fallen
We thought alien soldiers were meant to be like, well, alien soldiers. So why are the two of them acting like stereotypical versions of African Americans of the 1990s? Yes, we have no idea. It was Mudflap and Skids, two Autobots introduced in Transformers: Revenge as allies against the Decepticons.
It would be one thing if it was an attempt at parody, but no – it’s played straight out. And seen the writers themselves did not know why this happened, we are inclined to call them terrible due to poor planning and brainstorming.
# 3. Deep Wang – The Darkness of the Moon
If you have seen Community Where The hangover movies, you know Ken Jeong can be funny. Sadly, none of his talents have been put to the test in The darkness of the moon, in which he is portrayed as a ridiculous caricature that somehow knows about the secret plans of the Decepticons.
In one of the most embarrassing scenes, he follows Shia LaBeouf to the bathroom and throws him into a stall. Locking it behind him, he then stands up and pulls his pants down, while talking about “deep wang”. Yes, we didn’t realize that the simulated sexual assault was meant to be humorous.
# 2. Shia screaming at the guard – Dark Moon
Say whatever you want about Shia, but the man was a good actor before he went for the deep end. His performances in the first two Transformers films (as well as Disturbance besides) were grounded – he played a high school kid turned college kid trying to get through life really well, great.
Then he broke down, and by the third movie, he stopped caring. This is notably depicted during a scene where he tries to cross a guard barrier, only to have his car damaged by the rail. His answer ? Start yelling and attack the security guard. What were they thinking?
# 1. Robot Testicles – Revenge of the Fallen
We don’t know how the Transformers were born and we honestly don’t care. It’s one of those questions in pop media that devoted fans may be interested in finding out, but the general public better not know.
Well, thanks to Michael Bay, the film versions of the Transformers got a definitive answer in Revenge of the Damned: classic animal style breeding. How do we know this? Well, in another disgusting scene from the movie, we see actor John Turturro hiding behind a Decepticon and his giant wrecking ball testicles. Sigh.
What are your worst moments in Michael Bay Transformers movies? Let us know on our social media @ flickeringmyth…